Greg Oden, Political IPhones, and the idea of Portland, Oregon being "weird"

Portland isn't that weird.

This may come as a shock to anyone who's ever walked around in the Hawthorne District or seen an epsiode of Portlandia...but actually, I don't think it would. I would imagine that most locals understand that the town itself, and its citizens in general, are extremely similar to those of other cities with comparable populations and climates, although Portland's probably infinitely more concerned about seeming weird (see: Voodoo Doughnuts, every vehicle's bumper sticker). I've spent a considerable amount of time in Montana, Los Angeles, Maine, and Chicago, and it's not like every person in Portland is substantially weirder from every person in all of those other places; Portlandian men are just slightly more bearded, and Portlandian women are just slightly more tattooed. It's not exactly Bizarro World.

To be fair, I can't pretend to be a complete expert on those other cities; I've only spent one year in Montana, parts of twelve summers in Maine, a total of about "several months" in Chicago, and numerous vacations in Los Angeles, whereas I've lived nearly my entire life in Portland. And the aspect of Portland's culture that's probably the weirdest is the one that I've interacted with most over the last 22 years: the youth culture. I haven't really done the same in most of those other places; the closest would probably be Montana, and as most of my time there was spent trying to avoid freezing to death, I didn't have much time for critical cultural analysis.

So the big question, then, is this: Would I consider Portland's youth culture (which I designate as the "anyone aged 18-24" demographic) to be definitively "weird"?

It's cliched to respond to a yes-or-no question by saying "yes and no," but that's my answer, and for this reason: as in most divisions of America, you can safely divide the youth of Portland into either "liberals" or "GOP supporters," but in Portland's case the definitions of each group are possibly what you might consider "weird." I will explain.

The young liberals in Portland are exactly the kind that you see in Clerks, Reality Bites, and Kicking And Screaming. This probably doesn't come as a huge surprise, but here's why it possibly should: the young liberals are completely, one hundred percent the kind that you see in those movies, because that's exactly what they're trying to be. Portlandia die-hards know that Rip City is "where the dream of the '90s lives on," and it's true. On one entire end of the spectrum, you've got your kids who:

• Live in shitty, falling-apart five-bedroom houses in crappy parts of town, usually with at least one complete stranger;





• Have an entire wardrobe of flannel shirts and old jeans;





• Smoke;





• Drink anything as long as it's cheap;





• Don't believe that doing coacine is that big a deal;





• Hate authority;
  




• Drop out of college after their freshman year;





• Listen to anything as long as it's not on the radio, and preferably if it's old;





• Play some kind of instrument, no matter how obscure;





• Don't own an IPhone or an IPad and might not even have an internet connection;





• Work crappy dead-end jobs just to make rent, and





• Probably have more friends than you ever will.
  

The last characteristic is probably the most important. These people are the kind that you can have an informed, interesting discussion with at a party; they are absolutely willing to talk about everything from irrelevant music to the ridiculous bill that Obama just passed, and they usually have a reasoned opinion about it. For this reason, they are very easy to talk to and even easier to like. This is probably what helps them form the bonds they do with members of their "class"; they are extremely willing to let near-strangers borrow their things, or drink their beer, or crash on their couch, or even sleep with them without much effort. They're often so open-minded that it's almost alarming.

It is likely that adults, or even members of the opposing "class" of Portland's youth culture, would not approve of these sorts of actions, or even of these people taking a world-weary approach to life despite barely graduating high school. However, it would be hypocritical if members of this group did not do these things; their mindsets are tied to those of the young people of the '90s, who definitively believed in the "us against the world" mentality (or the "Smells Like Teen Spirit" mentality, if you will). They completely trust all of their peers and completely distrust anyone who has government-mandated authority over them; this may be considered short-sighted or even dangerous, but it's basically their obligation.

(Note: It's tempting to label this entire section of kids as "hipsters," especially after reading the bullet points regarding smoking, cheap drinking, obscure music, and flannel shirts. But I believe that it's important to make the distinction between "hipsters" and "people who live alternative lifestyles"; for example, both types of people think that "Pumped Up Kicks" is a terrible song, but only one of them will actually look down on you for liking it. Here's a sure-fire way to detect if the person you're talking to is a hipster: go out of your way to drop an h-bomb into your conversation with them. If they smile and chuckle at the word, then you're dealing with a laid-back '90s-throwback kid; if their face flushes and their eyes roll, you've got a Grade-A Portlandia stereotype on your hands. Stick with the former group; their compliments are much less backhanded.)

Okay, now on to the GOP supporters. It's important to note, before beginning this section, that Portland GOP supporters don't actually vote Republican; in fact, I challenge you to find one young non-business major in Portland who does vote Republican. (Don't waste your time; this is akin to challenging you to jump in the air and not land on the ground.) No, these GOPers can be defined by the following characteristics:

• They have either graduated college or will graduate from college if it's the last thing they ever do;

• They go to "college bars" every Thursday and Friday and usually end up singing karaoke;





• They definitely got a tattoo/piercing and went to a nightclub on their 18th birthday while loudly Facebooking about it;





• They only occasionally smoke weed or do molly, and never partake in anything stronger;





• They often wear merchandise from their school or their favorite sports teams;





• They loudly proclaim themselves as members of "Rip City Nation" or the "Timbers Army" or both;





• They like "all kinds of music";





• They posted their "RIP Steve Jobs" status to Facebook via IPhone;





• They have definitely seen "The Hangover" and probably own a "One-Man Wolfpack" T-shirt even if they are female;





• They live with their best friend in either a dorm room or an apartment;





• They know barely anything about almost everything, and





• They definitely believe that Greg Oden will lead the Blazers to multiple NBA championships. (If you haven't realized it by now, "GOP" in this case stands for "Greg Oden's Potential.")
  
  

It's fair to accuse this group of being "fake" or "basically still in high school," but the overwhelming consensus of the general population would undoubtedly characterize them as "normal." They are the ones who will be going on to legitimate jobs after their 18-24 status is complete, and who will probably always have stable living conditions and lifestyles. They are generally disliked by the opposite faction of the youth culture, and the feeling is mutual; the GOPers generally view their "rivals" in an extremely condescending light. In a way, the relationship between the two directly mirrors that of the one between "traditional" (i.e., "political") liberals and GOP supporters.

So is this unique brand of youth culture "weird," and does it lend credence to the argument that Portland itself is "weird"? I'd come down on the side of "probably not" on both fronts; after all, only a faction of the youth sub-genre could be defined as "weird" (the liberals), and the other faction (the GOP supporters) exist in different varations in almost every major city, only with different colleges and sports teams. As for Portland itself, believers in the Weird Theory would probably point to the aforementioned doughnut shop and various other hangouts and neighborhoods around the town as their "proof," but it's very hard for me to think that places such as those do not exist in every other city. (So...every single shop and neighborhood in San Diego or Dallas or Miami is "exactly how you would expect it to be"? This is unlikely, to say the least.) In the end, the mere fact that a percentage of Portland's 18-24 population could be classified as "weird" does not make the entire sub-genre "weird," and it definitely does not make the entire city "weird."

(Final note: Naturally, to ensure the relative validity of this essay, it is necessary for the reader to know which of these two camps I am aligned with, so as to understand where my opinions are coming from. Given the tone of the writing, it should be fairly obvious. Although I do have to say that I know myself and my personality well enough to (probably) never try cocaine, and I quit smoking two years ago after buying $15 worth of cough drops in a week. I guess that this might make me a "shade of grey" between the two groups if such a thing actually existed, which I believe does not.)